The Chair of the Science Department at my school said the other day, "Maybe it's the microbiologist in me, but...if we make one mistake here, hopefully nobody dies!" The private school where I'm the librarian is opening in a few days. We're going to be on campus with over 500 students, faculty and staff at the same time. Yes, there have been extensive preparations. Yes, the public schools can't safely do what we're claiming that we can do. Yes, we're being provided shields (so they say, but I haven't gotten mine yet), there's hand sanitizer around every corner, cohorts will be cohorting on their own all day. But I'm a Specialist and I'm going to be visiting over 100 different kids every day. People are being asked not to travel by air. I've operated all summer under the naive notion that because I know the small group of people I've been hanging out with well and I know what they've been up to, it's been okay. I've b

Right Now Anxiety

As expected, it's been a while since I wrote here. Just wanting to add right now that I am having that awful feeling that "nothing terrible has happened to me or loved ones personally, so I am complacent and lulled into a false sense that nothing is GOING to happen to me or loved ones."  Limbo. We keep swimming in the above ground pool (second time we've filled it after it sprang two leaks) and cooking and camping and playing games and making collages. And trying to stay positive and remembering that societies have survived illness and civil unrest and lived to talk about it and pass on the stories so people in the future would be better prepared and equipped and more tolerant and compassionate.

The Next Time I Opened My Eyes

The other night, my younger son was saying how he fell asleep really fast after watching Star Wars, A New Hope, because he was so tired, and that "the next time he opened his eyes," it was morning. And I was trying to remember a night where I fell asleep and then didn't wake up ONCE during the night. I couldn't remember the last time that happened. Maybe it's when you have kids that that stops. Or maybe it's when you're a kid yourself, if you live in constant fear of something in your life. I showed my sons the George Floyd video yesterday for lots of reasons: 1. I couldn't stop thinking about it and didn't feel like acting jolly around them. 2. I felt like they are old enough at least to begin to understand that it was WRONG. 3. I wanted to talk about it with them. 4. I wanted them to start to understand that being Black in our country is VERY different from being white.  5. I wanted them to understand that in some neighborhoods here in Las Vegas

Big flowers

every morning is  another chance last night was last night it's right now time there's pollen now some of it smells like rough perfume there's the sound of the fountain relentless cleansing there's breeze  lazy, swaying branches pine needles shimmying  stillness and lonely-blanket quiet when the boys are gone there's love and potential and growth and understanding there's  LIFE still this morning there's another chance to take four steps back and just hold your heart and let out a breath and say THANK YOU

Ghost Librarian

I just Tweeted this in response to the post from brilliant author/former teacher @LynMullalyHunt (NY Times Bestselling FISH IN A TREE, ONE FOR THE MURPHYS) that wished us a happy Teacher Appreciation Week: Feeling like a ghost school librarian. Like I am unsure of whether or not the students are getting anything out of what I am offering them remotely. I am really fed by the wonder and curiosity of students, and I know many teachers feel the same. Sometime it's hard to feel that through Zoom, especially from the students that I know are NOT readers, really (like me, honestly, until I was about 25. For real). Library in our school is a "Special," and while I am WILDLY grateful that our school finds the library a relevant component to K-12 education and even MORE wildly grateful that they employ a licensed librarian in their library, being a Special (in the world of remote learning) translates to being an Optional part of students' day (for me, anyway). I give no

The Daily Check-in

Every weekday since my school closed, we've had to check in online by filling out this Google form. Today is day 29 of remote learning, and every one of those days, I've been able to click "Healthy." This is very high on the list of things that I take for granted.

Divorced dinner